Miss Autopsy - Caterpillar (Lens, 2009)

Miss Autopsy - Caterpillar


Miss Autopsy isn't a "Miss" at all. It's actually a guy! HA! His name is Steve Beyerink. And in case you were looking for someone to give you an uplifting pep talk (aren't you always?) then STAY AWAY from Miss Autopsy. He's not gonna help.

I think Caterpillar is taking heavy influences from Albini and Slint except this is way way scarier. But not in the Gnaw Their Tongues hellish torturing scream filled nightmares kinda way. No, this is more like the "let's just back away from this dude 'cause he's giving me the fucking creeps" kinda scary. There's a lyric on the title track about him meeting a caterpillar in his garden who wanted to be his friend, but he squishes him with his fingers. Granted, he does also say afterwards that he can't sleep anymore once he kills the caterpillar BUT STILL. Definitely not the kinda guy I'm going to go out of my way to be friends with.

I think the vocals are what really do it, though. I mean, yeah, the minimal percussion and folky post-punk guitars definitely give off an eerie vibe but man his voice. Sometimes it's like an atonal pedophile dragging his claws down a chalkboard. Sometimes he sounds just like a regular depressed guy, but then you notice he's hiding a fucking meat cleaver behind his back.

There are a few tracks on here that could be considered pretty normal & digestible, though. Like "El Paso." Just a laid back solo guitar with Steve singing sad. And "Dead Loner Blues" is dark thematically but is otherwise not totally upsetting. Like your mom wouldn't think you were weird if she walked in while you were listening to it.

I'm sure Beyerink is a really nice guy in person but I'm guessing Miss Autopsy is a source of catharsis for him because it makes him seem sad or mad or both. Caterpillar is about as unsettling as it gets. It's fucking great if you like that sorta thing (aka miserable as fuck, disturbing, never ever catchy, anti pop). And it just so happens I do like that sorta thing. So Miss Autopsy, keep this shit up! It's awesome.

Staples: Jacob Berendes - Foreign Policy

Jacob Berendes - Parakeet Illnesses


Jacob Berendes - Hello Kitty Guitar


Staples is a feature about, you guessed it, staples in my music diet. Albums that no matter how (im)perfect they are, or how old or new they are, I always come back to them because they're that awesome.

A little known guy from the Providence area (I think) who is quite multitalented. I'm not very knowledgeable about his other talents, though. Only his musical ones. But boy oh boy does this Jacob Berendes guy have some serious chops.

Foreign Policy is one of his few records and you know what? I fucking love it. It's one of those records I put on when I'm in the mood for some seriously peppy music. But not the dancey kind. More like the kind that I want to sing really loud to. Jacob's lyrics are so catchy and light hearted, even if they're about sad things (which is pretty much every other song), that you want to sing every one of them. "H. E. L. L. Ooooo. And I say hello! Hello Kitty never looks away she's always watching you. But it's not creepy, it's kind of nice."

I'd rank Berendes up with the likes of Jeffrey Lewis and The Moldy Peaches. His sense of humor fits right in with theirs and the music is acoustic and super lo-fi. It sounds like when he recorded the album, he took his guitar and put it right next to a 10 cent mic he bought at a garage sale and played as loud as he could. The songs are totally blown out in the red fun.

You know how I do those Catch Of The Week posts every now and then? Well, this entire album gets stuck in my head all the time. The first words, especially. The opening track, "JLA Dreamer" starts out "My name is John Jones. You can call me John Jones. I'm a cop by trade. Oh ohoh." That gets stuck in my head all the time. And one of my favorite song lyrics ever comes from "Parakeet Illnesses." "All of my insecurities get in the way of his birdities." Awesome.

Seriously, I can't get enough of Foreign Policy. I've never bothered looking for other Berendes records but if they're anything like this, it's very possible there's a hidden musical genius living in New England.